OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize