So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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