I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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