if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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