I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
nutella sex= disaster
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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