He is an equal opportunity slut.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
