Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
MIDGETS
????
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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