Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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