4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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