I'm jealous of your bromance
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
