...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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