if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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