I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
