Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
