Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've blown a few things in my day
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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