True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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