I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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