Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
