I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
we should paint friendship bongs
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