Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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