i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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