you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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