i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
