I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
