your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
