Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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