You're earring is so big in my mouth
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
