she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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