i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i came on her dog
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I will pee on everything he values.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
