it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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