Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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