yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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