Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
