Midget sex pt 2 tonight
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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