Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize