I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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