I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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