I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
