Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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