I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
