You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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