I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
vagina is talking i cant
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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