It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
