So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
