I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize