Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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