I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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