What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need water and some morals
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
