bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
