Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
