Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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