Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
