it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
