hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
