I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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