Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
