did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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