My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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