I puked a lego.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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