she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wanna go halves on a baby?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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