If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
