The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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