You smell like stripper and shame
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
