He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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