Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
