Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We are two peas in an std pod
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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