he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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