Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
