i barfeds in our rink
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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