then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sober January is a disaster.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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