I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
