If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize