Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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