I wish I could punch you in the face.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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