i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
