Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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