i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
