This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
not ubering you a puppy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
