I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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