i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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