porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
