He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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