Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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