a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
