She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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