he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
