You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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