So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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