If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
