How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
