Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
