trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
