so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
