Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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