i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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